Intangible diary

Dream Machines

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 19:20:14 GMT

In the future, technology will be developed to allow you and another person - or several people to share the same dream. The machine would randomly scan one person's brain (person A) for a scenario, and project those brain-wave patterns into the other person's brain (person B). It would only alter person A's brainwaves insofar as it would force it to acknowledge person B. Then for B, the machine would alter the situation so that it would be coming from B's perspective, and send feedback to how each person reacts. With optic cables, this technology could be utilised by people who live far apart.

And before you ask, i haven't smoked weed for over a month! This is all sane and rational!

Amit: The conclusion

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 22:52:40 GMT

My actions were not the Best actions i could have taken. I was pretty mean, in fact. But.. this guy was a real wierdo, sending me pictures of flowers every day.

12/04/2006 01:25:54 Amit: (F)(F)(F)(F)(F)

16/04/2006 17:41:12 Amit: (rose)
16/04/2006 17:41:40 Me: Stop patronising me
16/04/2006 17:42:56 Amit: ok
16/04/2006 17:44:11 Amit: (tongzoe)
16/04/2006 17:44:35 Me: Fuck off, freak
16/04/2006 17:45:21 Amit: (ton)
16/04/2006 17:45:45 Me: You're no better than the rest of the perverts i talk to
16/04/2006 17:46:25 Amit: really...u r responsible for it...!!!
16/04/2006 17:47:22 Me: I've done nothing except talk to you, then tell you to leave me alone because you made me uncomfortable
16/04/2006 17:47:55 Amit: (BORED)
16/04/2006 17:48:19 Me: me too
16/04/2006 17:49:19 Amit: (8-)
16/04/2006 17:49:27 Amit: (lol)
16/04/2006 17:49:49 Amit: (condom)

17/04/2006 23:04:21 Amit: (L)
17/04/2006 23:04:53 Me: Get a life, you sad pathetic loser.
17/04/2006 23:05:20 Amit is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
17/04/2006 23:05:48 Me: wanna see my penis?
17/04/2006 23:06:06 Amit: yes..
17/04/2006 23:07:29 Vanishing twin sends G:\Anastasia\People\me2.jpg (Picture is actually from Rotten.com)
17/04/2006 23:08:15 Transfer of "me2.jpg" is complete.
17/04/2006 23:09:11 Amit: shit..what was that???
17/04/2006 23:09:48 Me: haha
17/04/2006 23:10:06 Amit: i was scared...
17/04/2006 23:10:34 Amit: don't u love flowers etc..as other girls do??
17/04/2006 23:11:14 Me: i'm a guy, like i said on my okcupid page
17/04/2006 23:11:32 Me: stop patronising me
17/04/2006 23:11:45 Amit: oh..then sorry...i thought u r a girl...
17/04/2006 23:11:54 Amit: ok..buddy..bye...
17/04/2006 23:12:22 Me: So now i'm not good enough for you to harass, eh?
17/04/2006 23:12:54 Amit: no hard feelings dude..it was a wrong connection..
17/04/2006 23:13:49 Me: but why would you have wanted to talk to me if i were a girl, and not now you know i'm a guy?
17/04/2006 23:14:38 Amit: because i m looking for 'girlfriend' not boyfriend...
17/04/2006 23:15:15 Me: on the other side of the world? you're fucking pathetic.
17/04/2006 23:16:15 Amit: yes..i want someone from other culture to discuss and share each other concerns of making this world a better place...
17/04/2006 23:17:13 Me: why would men be limited in this capacity?
17/04/2006 23:18:10 Amit: i m a feminist..so looking for a woman's view...
17/04/2006 23:18:12 Me: also, when you thought i was a girl, why did you keep sending me hearts and shit? How was that sharing concerns of making the world a better place?
17/04/2006 23:19:05 Amit: i am really sorry for all that i did to you....but i never planned for them..
17/04/2006 23:19:33 Me: what do you mean, you never planned for them? Why did they appear on my screen almost every day then?
17/04/2006 23:20:31 Amit: i thought ur kind of people are rare to find ..so why not try to make a relationship with u...
17/04/2006 23:21:42 Me: That's no relationship, man, that's fucking creepy.
17/04/2006 23:22:13 Me: how did you think that bombarding a girl with flowers and hearts was going to make her into an intellectual companion?
17/04/2006 23:22:23 Me: especially as she asked you not to do it?
17/04/2006 23:22:50 Amit: ok..dude..it's all over...i was at mistake...
17/04/2006 23:23:11 Me: Just wondering, cos it doesnt make sense to me
17/04/2006 23:23:21 Amit: it's no point discussing all that again...
17/04/2006 23:23:46 Amit: now forget all that..
17/04/2006 23:24:03 Me: you are a fucked up human being, you know
17/04/2006 23:24:16 Me: i'd seriously examine my behaviour if i was you
17/04/2006 23:24:33 Amit: enough..sorry..this is too much..sir..
17/04/2006 23:24:40 Amit: bye...forever..
17/04/2006 23:25:51 Me: hahahaha
17/04/2006 23:26:11 Me: you really think i'm a guy, just because i said i was>
17/04/2006 23:26:40 Amit: i trusted u...simple..
17/04/2006 23:27:20 Me: why? you've done nothing but harass me like some wierd pervert for the last week
17/04/2006 23:28:22 Amit: i apologize sir/madam...for all that..what else u want me to do...
17/04/2006 23:29:50 Me: i want you to explain to me why almost every day you left me a heart or flower. Or those lips icons. In relation to what you wanted out of a relationship.
17/04/2006 23:30:21 Me: ie. intellectual stimulation
17/04/2006 23:31:11 Me: you don't sound like much of a feminist, sending out these hearts because your recipients are Girls
17/04/2006 23:31:30 Amit: i thought u will love a heart or flower..and ur anger will be cooled down...
17/04/2006 23:32:16 Me: lol
17/04/2006 23:32:34 Me: it takes more than a few pixels to change someone's mind
17/04/2006 23:33:04 Amit: u r right...i lost in that..
17/04/2006 23:33:47 Me: it's very patronising to think that girls are simple enough to have their minds changed so
17/04/2006 23:34:07 Me: and when someone says they don't want to talk to you, they MEAN IT
17/04/2006 23:34:27 Amit: ok...I UNDERSTAND NOW..
17/04/2006 23:34:29 Me: and we wouldn't come to such a messy (but fun for my readers) end
17/04/2006 23:35:15 Amit: the message is that u DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE...ok..
17/04/2006 23:35:26 Me: i gave you that message a week ago
17/04/2006 23:35:45 Me: What has changed in your mind, so that you finally accept it?
17/04/2006 23:37:37 Amit: i realized that i m a failure in girl/s front..as i have no girlfriend..so quit this hope as soon as possible of making any girlfreind..anywhere...
17/04/2006 23:38:51 Me: like i said, try to examine your wierd stalker tendencies and maybe you'll have the answer to your problems
17/04/2006 23:39:23 Amit: can u help me on that..
17/04/2006 23:41:37 Me: here are 2 golden rules that may be of use to you: 1. don't patronise anyone with flowers or hearts unless you are sure that they appreciate them. 2. When people tell you to fuck off, fuck off.
17/04/2006 23:42:09 Amit: as u wish..bye.
17/04/2006 23:42:17 Me: Ta ta

So many weird pleading people these days..!

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 17:31:52 GMT

My screen name was "which question is also its own answer?"

00:11:27 Prash: can i ask a question?
00:11:33 Me: certainly
00:11:42 Me: you're doing so now
00:11:56 Prash: no thats the: which question is also it's answer
00:12:09 Prash: can i ask a question
00:12:13 Me: somewhat
00:12:34 Me: ah 1 sec
00:13:48 Prash: figuratively of course
00:18:37 Me: hi
00:18:54 Prash: phone
00:19:17 Me: well, in "can i ask a question" the answer is Implied, however, it is not a direct answer
00:19:33 Me: and there IS a direct one
01:09:04 Prash: it isn't implied
01:09:23 Prash: because the question itself is the answer
01:09:35 Me: how?
01:09:55 Prash: if you said may i ask a question thats entirely different
01:10:00 Me: "can i ask a question" - appropriate answers are either Yes or No
01:10:15 Me: if you see what i mean
01:11:12 Prash: not really because the response no would be an invalid one
01:11:26 Prash: the correct answer to the question is yes
01:12:08 Me: the question that i have posed would have its most correct answer as itself
01:12:10 Me: and nothing else
01:12:30 Prash: so what is the question?
01:13:14 Me: keep guessing
01:14:41 Prash: I hate riddles
01:15:14 Me: well, then don't keep guessing
01:15:30 Prash: you could just tell me
01:16:55 Me: why would you care if you dont like riddles?
01:17:06 Me: it would have little value to you, if you were just told it
01:17:13 Prash: i don't like riddles because they bug me
01:17:20 Me: not as much as if you worked it out yourself
01:17:20 Prash: the incompletion fact bugs me
01:18:02 Prash: no but i crave completion
01:18:18 Me: too bad ;)
01:18:34 Prash: the first question i told you was vaild but you didn't specify the parameters
01:18:47 Prash: and now that you've changed the rules it kinda sucks
01:18:59 Prash: do you like abusing power?
01:19:22 Me: no, i just dont like giving away riddle answers
01:20:17 Prash: I'm just not good at thinking laterally like that and it pains me when someone so smug sits there gleefully just watching others struggle
01:21:42 Me: who's smug? or gleeful? i don't really care whether you figure it out or not, but i have seen what happens when i give people answers to riddles
01:21:53 Me: they just say "oh" and forget about it
01:22:16 Prash: oh so you generalised me too?
01:22:16 Me: their brain didn't do the computations to make the answer worthwhile
01:22:18 Prash: greaaat
01:22:36 Prash: I'm thinking, but i can't do it i know i can't
01:23:37 Prash: basically you're asking me to think of a question where the answer and the question are the same
01:23:49 Me: you have chosen to do so
01:23:59 Prash: not really
01:24:00 Me: i didnt task you with it
01:24:18 Prash: look i'd prefer it if you just told me
01:24:25 Prash: I've got to work tomorrow
01:24:37 Me: i dont care
01:24:38 Prash: and i'll be up all night thinking about it
01:25:03 Prash: how insensitive are you?
01:25:18 Me: rather insensitive
01:25:46 Prash: gee, gets you wondering why though
01:26:11 Me: yeah, you wonder about a lot of things
01:26:22 Prash: true, but thats everyone
01:27:02 Me: no one else has been pleading with me for an answer, explaining circumstances for why they need to be told it
01:28:16 Prash: yeah i know but i was curious ok, and i thought may be just may be i could share some insight, not challenge you in anyway just thought may be what i had to contribute was worthwhile, you just turn it in to some kinda game.
01:30:10 Me: it is against my standards of information-revealing to divulge this sort of information. i have told you this. If you choose to keep yourself awake on a riddle that no-one even requested you to solve, that is your problem, not mine.
01:30:39 Prash: you're cruel
01:30:58 Prash: i mean i feel for you
01:32:28 Me: you have pretty low standards for cruelty
01:33:00 Prash: now you critiscise my standards too
01:33:04 Prash: damn
01:33:48 Me: after you critisise me using these standards
01:35:07 Prash: no but you're willing to trade off having standards over making me suffer
01:35:27 Prash: see like if some one were in need i'd drop my standards to help them
01:35:30 Prash: you on the other hanf
01:35:36 Prash: hand*
01:36:10 Prash: you just seem to be uncomprimising
01:36:23 Prash: even if i implored you
01:37:00 Prash: which i already have, you'd rather let me suffer?
01:37:07 Prash: to maintain your standards?
01:37:30 Me: it is in the nature of standards to be uncompromising. If standards are flexible, why have them at all?
01:37:54 Prash: because life is never fucking clear cut and you know that!
01:38:04 Prash: sometimes it's okay to comprimise things
01:38:53 Prash: everyone does to some extent compromise,
01:39:36 Me: i do it as little as possible, and especially not for such trivial things
01:39:41 Me: that you got yourself into
01:40:05 Prash: yeah because its trivial thats what makes it worse.
01:40:20 Prash: like to you it means nothing to me it means something
01:40:41 Prash: and it's like your almost enjopying this power trip
01:40:46 Me: it doesnt have to mean ANYTHING to you
01:40:51 Me: you can forget about it
01:40:52 Prash: but it does
01:40:56 Me: you can do something else
01:40:56 Prash: no i can't
01:41:12 Me: you must have better things to think about than this
01:41:22 Prash: look i beg you
01:41:26 Me: better things to do
01:41:28 Me: right
01:41:48 Me: take care of your own problems
01:42:34 Me: if nothing else, use this as an opportunity to train your brain not to think upon pointless things, or things you don't wish to think about
01:42:55 Prash: you're damaged goods
01:43:05 Me: i wont provide a remedy for your own lack of self-control
01:43:07 Me: fare well

Wierdo - warning signs in bold (emotional manipulation)

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 22:12:54 GMT

06/04 19:19:21 Amit: hi..
06/04 19:19:38 Me: ey, im on the phone at the mo
06/04 19:19:53 Amit: ok...
06/04 19:34:21 Me: hi
06/04 19:34:51 Amit: so..something nwe??
06/04 19:35:00 Me: hmm?
06/04 19:35:11 Amit: *new
06/04 19:36:32 Me: like what?
06/04 19:37:48 Amit: like anything....new hopes,new dreams,new dress,new lipstick..:)
06/04 19:39:02 Me: i'm looking to upgrade my CPU
06/04 19:39:12 Me: perhaps motherboard too..
06/04 19:39:18 Me: it's difficult
06/04 19:39:33 Amit: it's easy..
06/04 19:40:47 Me: i am on a budget, and there are many considerations to take into account - whether to go for 64 bit, whether to spend more money on a graphics card or processor..
06/04 19:41:33 Amit: oh..i see...then it's difficult to make choice..
07/04 19:10:21 Amit: hi..
07/04 20:53:39 Amit: hi..u there??
07/04 20:53:54 Me: hi
07/04 20:54:06 Amit: sohow r u??
07/04 20:55:34 Me: i am well
07/04 20:56:22 Amit: what;s the time now>>
07/04 20:57:27 Me: 9
07/04 20:57:39 Amit: am or pm??
07/04 20:58:04 Me: pm of course
07/04 20:58:36 Amit: .today i m very tired..
07/04 20:59:01 Me: why?
07/04 21:00:36 Amit: oh..i went to attend a dinner little far away..and ate too much..so feeling bit lethargic,lazy...
07/04 21:01:13 Me sleep, perhaps
07/04 21:01:51 Amit: but..i want to talk to u..if possible see u..yo refresh myself..:)
07/04 21:02:00 Amit: *to
07/04 21:04:03 Me: aah
07/04 21:04:18 Amit: hey..do u have webcam now??
07/04 21:05:43 Me: no
07/04 21:05:58 Amit: oh..:(
07/04 21:06:07 Amit: then ..how can i see u??
07/04 21:06:14 Me: why would you want to?
07/04 21:06:51 Amit: u r my friend..can't i see my friend sometimes??
07/04 21:08:39 Me: that's not how the world works
07/04 21:08:54 Me: if people are on different sides of the earth, they cannot see each other
07/04 21:09:05 Amit: why r u saying this...
07/04 21:09:14 Amit: can't i see u online..
07/04 21:10:34 Me: it is unnecessary
07/04 21:11:17 Amit: oh..u think that it's only important that u see people face-to-face...
07/04 21:11:38 Amit: but i can come to ur place in future..
07/04 21:12:08 Me: i dont think it is at all important to see people face to face
07/04 21:12:41 Me: i think that the internet is an optium medium of communication, as it dispenses with what is unnecessary and only transmits words
07/04 21:13:00 Amit: thta's true..
07/04 21:13:19 Amit: so..can u send me some of ur photos..
07/04 21:13:27 Amit: please don't say no..
07/04 21:14:13 Me: of course not
07/04 21:14:56 Amit: why??
07/04 21:15:30 Me: what i look like is neither important nor necessary for conversation
07/04 21:17:15 Amit: i thought we r now friends ..and as a friend i asked for ur snap..i don;'t want to converse u just to kill my time..but to develop a friendship relationship...
07/04 21:19:08 Me: friendship is something to be worked towards, not to be given straight away
07/04 21:19:20 Me: it is a description of a state, after much conversation
07/04 21:20:00 Amit: u won!!
07/04 21:20:13 Amit: i will wait..
07/04 21:21:12 Amit: anyway... at times when i feel depressed..i need friends very much..
07/04 21:21:39 Amit: i m sorry..can i know ur name please??
07/04 21:23:41 Me: Nasta
07/04 21:24:14 Amit: yes..Nasta...lovely name..
07/04 21:43:23 Me: hmm?
07/04 21:44:27 Amit: say something...
08/04 11:24:59 Amit: hi..beautiful..how r u??
08/04 11:27:03 Me: you are acting like many i have met, who flatter me and ask for my pictures for their satisfactions
08/04 11:28:30 Amit: sorry..i told u..i will not ask for ur pictures anymore..please gorgive me for that mistake..
08/04 11:32:41 Amit: *forgive
08/04 11:33:16 Me: no, you make me uncomfortable
08/04 11:33:28 Me: and your pleading, even more so
08/04 11:37:10 Amit: ok...then i think there is no point discussing this issue any more....u can delete me from the contact list...i will not create anymore uncomfortable position for u....but anyway..it was lovely meeting a person like u..though a brief one....take care..and best wishes for ur life....
08/04 11:37:38 Me: thanks, you too
08/04 11:41:30 Amit: so..u r sure..u don't want to talk talk to me anymore??
08/04 14:00:04 Amit: hi...(F)
08/04 14:00:15 Me: what are you doing?
08/04 14:01:01 Me: not only have i told you that you make me uncomfortable, but that your pleading is all the more discomforting for me
08/04 14:01:30 Me: you have given me reason to believe you would not be contacting me again
08/04 14:01:53 Me: a move which would allow you to part with dignity
08/04 14:02:10 Me: yet here you are once more
08/04 14:02:50 Amit: sorry for that...but i don't want to lose a person like u...please understand me...(F)
08/04 14:03:35 Amit: i will behave the way u want ..promise..:)
08/04 14:04:25 Me: You do not understand
08/04 14:04:40 Me: and i don't want to explain
08/04 14:07:06 Amit: as u wish...but can't u forget all that happen and start all over again afresh...!!!:)
08/04 14:07:31 Me: you are one of the types of people i do not wish to talk to
08/04 14:07:42 Amit: Handwritten instant messages cannot be displayed in your message history.
08/04 14:08:12 Me: You believe that whining will make you more appealing? It disgusts me
08/04 14:08:38 Me: my opinion of you is dropping lower and lower
08/04 14:10:06 Amit: actually i don't know how to talk to a person like u...so please teach me....don't leave me...and i will try my best to come to ur expectations....give me a chance...(F)
08/04 14:12:18 Amit: Handwritten instant messages cannot be displayed in your message history.
08/04 14:14:33 Me: a person like me?
08/04 14:15:41 Amit: yes...i adore u very much..i respect ur dignity and self-esteem...
08/04 14:16:54 Me: i have no time for this
08/04 14:19:06 Amit: would like to share this background with you. accept(Alt+C) decline(Alt+D)
08/04 14:19:52 Me: what the fuck are you doing? i hate being patronised with flowers and hearts
08/04 14:20:17 Amit: oh..sorry...
08/04 14:20:32 You have failed to receive a shared background from Amit:.
08/04 14:23:26 Amit: Handwritten instant messages cannot be displayed in your message history.
08/04 14:24:13 Me: i dont want to get to know someone who has such emotional investment in a stranger
08/04 14:24:56 Me: or who seems increasingly pathetic with every attempt at capturing my own emotions
08/04 14:28:40 Amit: why r u breaking my heart?? is this a good thing to do..tell me honestly..
08/04 14:31:58 Me: It is better than wasting precious time.
08/04 14:32:06 Me: And i don't believe you anyway
08/04 14:32:32 Me: there's no reason to be genuinely attatched to a person who you've only spoken to for 30 minutes
08/04 14:32:35 Me: leave me be
08/04 14:32:45 Amit: what is my mistake??
08/04 14:33:42 Me: I will give no more explanations
08/04 14:34:47 Amit: but..this is not fair..what do u think urself..this is quite an attitude...
08/04 14:34:58 Amit: u r disgusting and arrogant...
08/04 14:35:15 Amit: not human..
08/04 14:35:20 Amit: no emations..
08/04 14:35:28 Amit: *emotions
08/04 14:35:53 Amit: girls are symbol of love
08/04 14:36:02 Me: good, so you shouldnt want to talk to me from now on
08/04 14:36:09 Amit: but u r full og hatred..
08/04 14:36:18 Me: i am not a Girl, i am a Human Being
08/04 14:36:18 Amit: *of
08/04 14:36:31 Amit: that's the problem...
08/04 14:36:42 Amit: don't call urself a human..
08/04 14:36:44 Amit: u r not..
08/04 14:36:57 Amit: otherwise u hadn't done this to me..
08/04 14:37:18 Me: whatever fanciful ides you have of humanity pale to the biological fact that i am a homo sapiens
08/04 14:37:21 Amit: u don't understand other human feelings..
08/04 14:38:01 Amit: u r like an animal..a pecies..not human in true sense..
08/04 14:38:12 Me: your feelings are disproportionate to the situation
08/04 14:38:30 Amit: i hate u...
08/04 14:38:32 Amit: i hate u
08/04 14:38:35 Amit: i hate u
08/04 14:38:39 Amit: i hate u
08/04 14:38:49 Amit: i was very wrong earlier..
08/04 14:38:57 Me: yes indeed
08/04 14:39:00 Amit: u are not worth of ant freindship..
08/04 14:39:23 Amit: u r sooo selfish..
08/04 14:39:27 Me: we could have parted much less unpleasantly
08/04 14:40:13 Amit: yes...but i want to show u the real picture of urs..
08/04 14:40:32 Amit: u r a very mean,person..
08/04 14:40:42 Amit: anti-soical
08/04 14:41:01 Amit: noone will like u...
08/04 14:41:20 Amit: alas...
08/04 14:43:19 Me: well, thanks for your input, but i simply must get going
08/04 14:43:46 Me: you had unreasonable expectations in the first place. i never owed you anything
08/04 14:43:48 Me: farewell
08/04 14:44:53 Amit: i only expexted what one expects from a good human being..
08/04 14:45:03 Amit: nothing speacila..
08/04 22:01:44 Amit: (F)(L)(F)(L)(F):) Hi !!
08/04 22:02:54 Me: i thought you hated me?
08/04 22:04:21 Amit: No..i love U....(F)
08/04 22:05:34 Me: "girls are symbol of love but u r full og hatred... don't call urself a human... u r not.. otherwise u hadn't done this to me.."
08/04 22:07:58 Amit: I take my words back..i was in really very bad mood...
08/04 22:08:56 Me: i don't want to talk to you
08/04 22:09:10 Amit: why??
08/04 22:09:52 Me: i don't want to waste time explaining myself
08/04 22:11:02 Amit: can i see u on webcam..ur angry face??
08/04 22:11:12 Me: no
08/04 22:11:43 Amit: but i want to..it's urgent..
08/04 22:12:26 Me: i don't care
08/04 22:12:39 Me: i just want you to leave me be
08/04 22:12:49 Amit: just for a second...
08/04 22:14:25 Me: it will not happen. you cannot get your way.
08/04 22:15:50 Amit: just for a half-second...
08/04 22:16:05 Me: it will not happen. you cannot get your way.
08/04 22:16:47 Amit: ok..as u wish..anyway i will ask for it..
08/04 22:16:53 Amit: is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
08/04 22:17:10 Me: are you retarded?
08/04 22:17:21 Amit: yes...due to u..
08/04 22:17:41 You have declined the invitation to start sending webcam.
08/04 22:18:11 Amit: is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
08/04 22:22:25 Me: i sent my friends transcripts of how you pleaded
08/04 22:22:32 Me: they found them amusing
08/04 22:22:43 Me: will you stop humiliating yourself?
08/04 22:22:45 You have declined the invitation to start sending webcam.
08/04 22:23:18 Amit: i don;t care...
08/04 22:23:22 Amit: is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to accept (Alt+C) or decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
08/04 22:23:30 Me: what do you care about?
08/04 22:24:20 Amit: for ur friendship..(F)
08/04 22:25:10 Me: why do you want it?
08/04 22:25:45 Amit: i love ur arrogance and style..very much..
08/04 22:27:35 Me: why?
08/04 22:31:05 Amit: because this is the first time i m facing such thing in my life..it's a kind of love-at-first-sight..
08/04 22:31:43 Me: ok
08/04 22:31:49 Me: well, i don't like YOU
08/04 22:31:57 Me: i don't want to talk anymore to YOU
08/04 22:32:17 Amit: but i want to.!!
08/04 22:32:22 Me: but i don't
08/04 22:32:46 Amit: but i do..
08/04 22:32:47 Me: therefore, no frienship may be made
08/04 22:32:58 Amit: give it a try..
08/04 22:33:02 Me: because it is not the case that both parties want to do it
08/04 22:33:56 Amit: sometimes..it is good for both of us..
08/04 22:35:07 Me: i dont want to waste my time. I have much better uses for it
08/04 22:35:33 Amit: it will not b a waste..i can assure u...
08/04 22:36:06 Me: i want nothing to do with someone so pathetic as you
08/04 22:37:15 Amit: i m not so pathetic ....i m quite a lively and cheerful person..
08/04 22:38:18 Me: anyone who begs so for the attention of a person they don't even know is pathetic
08/04 22:42:13 Amit: give it a try..
08/04 22:42:32 Me: i am not going to
08/04 22:42:35 Me: my mind is made
08/04 22:42:59 Amit: be bit flexible..
08/04 22:43:57 Me: no
08/04 22:44:14 Amit: u can..try..
08/04 22:46:37 Me: i won't
08/04 22:47:29 Amit: try once...
08/04 22:47:42 Me: i won't
08/04 22:48:31 Amit: don't b so rigid..
08/04 22:49:17 Me: my mind is made and you cannot co-erce me into changing it
08/04 22:50:02 Amit: but..i know u r a very nice person..so try it once...
08/04 22:50:45 Me: be logical, man
08/04 22:51:11 Me: i don't want to be friends with you
08/04 22:51:26 Me: my mind is mae
08/04 22:51:28 Me: *made
08/04 22:51:44 Me: you have demonstrated yourself to be a person i don't wish to associate with
08/04 22:52:08 Me: i will not be your friend, send you pictures or appear on webcam
08/04 22:52:12 Me: FUCK
08/04 22:52:13 Me: OFF
08/04 22:52:41 Amit: but i want to friends with u...
08/04 22:53:12 Me: i dont care about what you want
08/04 22:53:24 Me: like you dont care about what i want
08/04 22:53:45 Me: you don't respect my wishes
08/04 22:54:16 Amit: but ur wishes are based on prejudices not practical..
08/04 22:54:37 Me: oh no
08/04 22:54:40 Me: i have seen enough
08/04 22:55:16 Amit: be practical and then decide..
08/04 22:55:49 Me: i don't want weak people in my life
08/04 22:56:10 Amit: i m not weak..
08/04 22:56:20 Me: i don't want people who can't take no for an answe
08/04 22:56:21 Me: r
08/04 22:57:30 Amit: but..no without any mistake is not feasible..
08/04 22:59:33 Me: i have my reasons
08/04 22:59:39 Me: you are not entitled to them
08/04 22:59:51 Me: you are making this difficult for me
08/04 23:00:22 Amit: but..imagine my difficulty also..
08/04 23:01:04 Me: i cannot imagine any reasonable person getting so attatched to a stranger on the internet after a single conversation
08/04 23:01:41 Amit: i may b an exception..
08/04 23:02:07 Me: you're letting your emotions control you. that is weak
08/04 23:02:42 Amit: no..that is human..we r not machines..are we??
08/04 23:03:09 Amit: EQ and IQ both are equally important..
08/04 23:04:04 Me: emotions only take 1 thing into account, reason takes everything into account
08/04 23:04:14 Me: now
08/04 23:04:17 Me: leave me alone
08/04 23:04:50 Amit: u r wrong...every thing starts from emotions first..
08/04 23:05:28 Me: i don't want to hear that sentimentalist bullshit
08/04 23:05:45 Me go away
08/04 23:05:48 Amit: don't hide ur emotions..
08/04 23:07:40 Me: i am not hiding any emotions
08/04 23:07:55 Me: i am very honest when i say "fuck off"
08/04 23:08:21 Amit: don't abuse Me:...
08/04 23:08:45 Me: then leave Me: alone
08/04 23:09:24 Amit: no..i m sorry..let's talk for soMe: day..then u decide..
08/04 23:09:53 Me: i've seen enough
08/04 23:10:13 Amit: i know..so let's patch up..
08/04 23:10:52 Me: go to hell
08/04 23:11:17 Amit: we will go together to heaven...coMe: with Me:..
08/04 23:12:34 Me: wow, you've got soMe: serious Me:ntal issues
08/04 23:12:53 Amit: r u a doctor ??
08/04 23:14:00 Me: i dont have to be to see
08/04 23:14:10 Amit: really...
08/04 23:14:21 Me: you're acting like soMe:one who should be in a Me:ntal hoMe:
08/04 23:14:46 Amit: oh..then i should be staying with u...lol..:)
08/04 23:16:41 Me: that's it. i'm tired of these gaMe:s. i'm tired of you. I don't want to waste any more tiMe: on you, and next tiMe: you talk, i will ignore you. If i get a little bit irritated, i will block you.
08/04 23:18:31 Amit: then u do one thing ...u block Me: now..and crush my any hopes..now itself...i can't bear such an insult anymore...i LOST..u WON..be happy..friend.
08/04 23:25:06 Amit: U happy..:) now..
09/04 21:23:02 Amit: (F)(L)(F)
10/04 21:23:33 Amit: hi

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 10:34:20 GMT

Advertising is sinking lower and lower. I saw an advert on TV for shampoos... "This shampoo will make your hair really smooth!" they said, and compared a length of Normal hair with some Shampoo'd hair, in that clinical way they do, with the white background. They showed a plain gold ring at the top of both lengths of hair, and how on the Normal hair, it slid down 3/4 of the way and got stuck because of friction. With the Shampoo'd hair, it slid down quickly and dropped to the bottom. If the subtext of that isn't "Get great hair and he'll propose to you," i will eat my proverbial hat.

The Problem of Children

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 10:53:28 GMT

In my (humble) opinion, there are things terribly wrong with the country we live in now. One of these things is the ability for women to get pregnant, whether through inadequate contraception or sex education - or just deliberately - and then instead of aborting their unborn, to have the ability to demand benefits and housing without having to work, blackmailing the government for the welfare of their children. Now this vacuum of responsibility is the fault of the government, and should have anticipated being taken advantage of so. The problem, though, is that the mothers are in the right to demand welfare for these innocent human beings that they have created, and the government must pay up. Now, what i want to know, is if there is a way of making people more responsible for their actions (for having a child is something most people are able to control) without on one hand, having blameless children suffer poverty at the hands of their parent(s) or care homes, and on the other, preserving the ability for people to choose when they want to have a child without writing to a Fertility Office minister, presenting reasons for why their eggs and sperm should be sent back to them.
Now, i think that people should have the right to make mistakes, but also to be punished for making them. Some may say that having to look after a child, while your friends are getting off with guys at the local nightclub is a sort of punishment in itself. But then, you also get the benefits of not having to worry about the future very much, as you will be provided a house and a basic pay to look after you and your child. The punishments should be something that affect the mother but not the baby. For instance, there was something recently in the news about women having to pay for their epidurals. Just the sort of thing i'm looking for. Those who cannot save up 500 quid for an epidural would presumably not be able to afford, or be stable enough to support a child. Or perhaps it would only be given free to those women that pay taxes. And perhaps the thought of the "worst possible pain a woman could have" might ward them off. This would be mostly risk-free to the baby too, for if pain during childbirth had a high chance of causing complications, we would not be here, eh? Having children is a choice, and people should be aware of the responsibilities that come with inadvertantly falling pregnant and refusing an abortion.

Any other suggestions/ critisisms of my ideas? The way my plan works is that pain relief is not a right, it is a modern luxury and its denial can be interpreted as the default. I am not advocating doing something actively cruel, just to extend the parameters of responsibilty to encompass non-lifethreatening medical treatment. Any other (passive) ideas?

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 15:36:32 GMT

Went out for a charity-shop crawl back at my parent's hometown. The town centre had changed since the last time i had visited - some shops now boarded up or the windows painted over with smeared white paint, while the sign above is a concrete reminder of the entepreneurial enthusiasm that brought this shop into being, then floundered, and failed. And many more are willing to take their place, just dying for the time when they will move into this high-street location and scrape the paint off the windows. And again, fail. The evidence of all businesses trying to stay afloat and not go down this road is all over the streets, in every public line of sight. Calling out, voicelessly, pleading for you to Need. Their lack of standards, of sincerity, just literally makes me ill. Everywhere is just a cheap, desparate desire for attention.

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Conservative
You placed 85% difference on action versus inaction and 57% importance on consent!

Your results indicate that you believe:

- As long as you're not part of the problem, you're OK; there's no moral imperative to take care of anyone else. People do not have a responsibility to others.

- There's a grey area on the issue of personal freedom. Some things supercede the right to consent.

Philosophically, you might be an Egoist or an Objectivist. Perhaps you believe that the most moral course of action is the one with the most self-benefit, and that some of the situations are harmful to the self (while others are not). You're quite likely a capitalist, and if you're not. . .look into it. :P

Your beliefs are generally opposed to most peoples' in some way. Some may argue that your beliefs are inconsistent, but that of course depends on where and how you draw the line between an acceptable act and a non-acceptable act.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 96% on inaction
You scored higher than 19% on consent

Link: The Moral Attribute Importance Test written by megasatan3000

Um

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 23:26:30 GMT

I hate talking to people on the internet. There's so much ettiquette and lack of substance, and unwritten rules..

Them: Hey (Hey)
Me: Hi (Hi)
Them: How are you? (Wanna cyber?/I'm really bored and can't entertain myself)
Me: I'm alright (This is an average response and you know it)
-interval of 3-5 minutes
Them: That's good to know (Um. Aren't you going to ask me how i am?)
Me: If you say so (No. Leave me alone if you have nothing to say)

I've had the Maconveration in EXACTLY these words 3 times, with different people.

The quest for information

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 14:09:34 GMT

Goddamn bureaucrazy!

Got a killer stomachache last night. I woke from my dreaming at 4am, confused, feeling great discomfort but not actually associating it with the concept of pain. I rolled around, trying to get comfortable, but the more i moved, the more uncomfortable it got - and i was under the dreamy impression that i was waiting in line to be served for my discomfort, with the other patients being ducks. I wasn't happy that my human-ness was being passed over in this way.

Anyway, i woke up a bit more, and sat and waited in bed for it to go away. Getting up and taking some coal tablets to absorb any toxins in my stomach, i wondered whether i could take something for the pain - or if it would just further irritate me. So, stumbled into the corridor and found the Nightline number.

"Hello, this is nightline," said a sleepy, irritated voice.
"Hi," I stuttered in the most composed way i could. "I've got a really bad stomach ache, and i'm not really sure what to do about it. Should i take some paracetamol or ibuprofen, or would that cause further negative effects?"
"Um, well, i can't really advise you on that. But you could call NHS direct-"

Suddenly i remembered that i was living in 21st century britain, where it is preferable to NOT advise people in pain unless you have a 5-year medical degree, or you risk being sued off your arse. I'm glad i didn't call them when i got my nosebleed, what a waste of time! Anyway, after an insincere thanks, i called up the NHS line. Waited for about 4 minutes in delirious agony, all the more enhanced by the perpetual messages that they would ask for my details when they got around to my call.

Got through. The "receptionist" asked me many questions, and told me a nurse would call me back. Whilst waiting, it seemed that the pain lessened when i got still, so i put on a relaxing, yet unpatronising Ennio Morricone soundtrack and tried to get to sleep on my back. As i was drifing off - ring ring! The nurse asked me lots more questions, which i answered automatically, forgetting my purpose and just letting them collect their data. Then they asked me who my GP was (and i didn't know, as i'd never gone to see him) so they put me on hold for about 5 minutes finding out. I wanted to tell the nurse that i didn't NEED to see a GP, i just wanted to know if i could take anything for the pain.

Well she returned and told me what to do for now - that it was safe to take paracetamol or ibuprofen, and that if i wanted to, i could alternate betwixt them but also that she'd got in contact with an out of hours GP who would be calling me within the next 2 hours. It was about 5am by that time and i just wanted to try to go to sleep, but the GP woke me up again with his ringing, and i had to tell him that i was ok, that they'd just directed me there.

Then i lay on my back and descended into blissful sleep. Moral of the story - just bear the pain and don't bother with the NHS.

Oh no - there goes Tokyo! Go, go Godzilla!

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 21:54:14 GMT

I liked to make compilation tapes for Rhys, back when i was starting secondary school. My heart fluttered when on the ones he returned, he wrote the title of a song "Coz I love you" in his writing, directed to me. And he introduced me to a lot of wicked music, like Pink Floyd! Anyways, my compilations were always themed, and i would look forward to christmas and the Gemini birth-stage (for most of my friends, including him, are geminis), to give him compilation presents. Previous themes included "Long Titles" eg. Blue Oyster Cult's "The Siege and Investiture of Baron von Frankenstein's Castle at Weisseria" or the Smiths "Rush and a Push and the land is ours" amongst others; an album where the songs grew longer and more depressing; also a drugs themed album:
Lou Reed - I'm waiting for the man (drug dealer)
David Bowie - Station to station (heroin, traintracks)
Delgados - No Danger (heroin - marks upon arms, veins)
Divine Comedy - A drinking song (excessive alcohol)
Placebo - Special K (ketamine, not the cereal!)
The Darkness - Giving up (Heroin)
Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit (all sorts of psychadelics)
The Stranglers - Golden Brown (heroin)
Tool - Die Eier von Satan (recepie for hashish cakes in German)
David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes (cocaine? some sort of "heaven's high")
The Doors - Alabama song - (alcohol [and paedophilia!!])
Tool - Third Eye (the whole drug experience)
Pixies - Here comes the man (not related to drugs, but a nice way to finish the album - relating to the first song!)

Now i am considering another compilation cd.. about monsters. I was inspired with Zappa's Zombywoof closely following BOC's Godzilla (or the other way around?) - any ideas?

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 19:27:01 GMT

I used to write better when i was younger, i know that, and i feel like i cannot match my past Goodness any more. Words just seem to be so forced nowadays, so unconnected. No longer do the muses play across my fingers, no longer am i able to reel off writing i am contented with. Or perhaps it is a change in circumstance? I had always been near the top of every class in school with my love of learning and understanding, and now i am immersed in an area of concentrated intellect, with all the people that were at the tops of *their* classes i am a humble average and nothing seems outstanding to me anymore. But in this case it is crazy to think of all the people who do NOT go to university, whose writing would be worse than my own. Millions of them! How polarised we all soon will be - with the university-goers having a high standard of writing and the majority of the non-goers having a low one.

that is all for now.

The library

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 22:12:59 GMT

Ah, the library in the late hours of the day, a refuge to the lazy overachiever who does not do work for the whole day and then retires to this place of books to study - or to procrastinate further by writing a livejournal. So here i am at this godforsaken hour and i must admit, the library is a lot different in the night-time. In fact, the mere clatter of these keys creates an embarassing cacophony that i would not be aware of were it day. To make it worse, there are a couple of people sitting very close to me, trying to study and i know that my livejournal updating is not as important as their degree.. but hell, if they are that annoyed by it they would move. Am i being inconsiderate? I mean, there are plenty of places to sit in the library, especially now in the night time, and too few computers in such closed off locations as the "medicine and nursing" section. Should it be first-come, first-serve? Or by importance? They win on both accounts, of course, but i do really want to write now. Ah. Perhaps there lies my problem of lack of self-restraint that seems to be a major factor of my life in uni. But perhaps another time. I am off to prove it wrong and study.

Embyethics

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 02:26:16 GMT

What annoys me about philosophy is the way people twist arguments without any sort of rules. That is, some people write what is OBVIOUS according to our conceptions of reality, others write what is OBVIOUS according to logic. This comes when there are 2 facts that oppose each other but are nonetheless facts.

This whole thing with individuality and twins (forgive my muddled thinking - it is late but it has cropped up often in my mind)... either you go in from the logical angle - that no 2 things can exist in the same place at the same time, therefore an embryo about to split into 2 people is not a person (yet) and one can do what one likes with it. That's logical.
Then you can go in from the intuitive side - the embryo IS the equivalent to two people, therefore Leibniz's law is wrong.

And they don't acknowledge the other's position. They just assume that either logical reasoning OR the intuitons are right, and can cancel out the other in some way.

What do I think about this whole subject, i hear you cry. Well, i think humans have some pretty remarkable double standards when it comes to lives and the whole thing is so damn anthropocentric it's difficult to get any other footing because they are all talking about Human Life and Human Worth.
But an embryo has less consciousness than a dung-beetle. Nor does it have the potentiality to develop into a human if the only reason it was made, was to have its cells harvested to save existing, living, breathing, feeling, aching, dying human beings. If we are prepared to submit significantly more complex and emotionally-developed creatures for a potential painful side-effect death of a new breast-cancer drug, what then is the problem with destroying a culture of cells with DNA that corresponds more closely to our own? I will reveal - it is the ageold idea that human life is somehow intrinsically valuable, sacrosanct regardless of the circumstances.
I believe what makes a human worthwhile are the higher pleasures that he indulges in - to walk around being entertained with no self-reflection is no better than being an animal. And an egg fused with a sperm to make a "unique" combination of DNA (though there are only so many variations of C,G A and T that you can have) is no more than what i have just described it as. It's not equal to me or you, reader, though we once were no more than that. It's equal to the fertilised eggs of dogs or cows, it possesses no qualities that would distinguish it in the present. And it's fantastic if this egg lies in the womb of a young healthy woman in a developed country, who has a loving partner, and who both have means of supporting themselves, and are intellectually developed enough to provide emotional encouragement and mental stimulation to their child. But it is a very different egg to the one lying under a glaring microscope, a reject in an IVF treatment. Compositionally, it's all practically the same, (regardless of the mammal) - but where is the default of sanctity?

Amadora whore

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 14:39:02 GMT

Technology

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 02:47:59 GMT

I am quite impressed with my own achievements - times that come rarely, but when they do, it i good. To have the knowledge to, on one day, print out one's own holiday photos, and on another day, to install an internal hard drive, both in my room - well, it's an aspect of my desire to be a jack of all trades.

Technically

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:51:23 GMT

Technically, there's naught to do until the Thursday seminar - i have finished my ethics tutorial work this lunchtime, munching through a whole packet of Trebor Xtra Stong Peppermints (to the annoyance of the person opposite me?) and bathed with sun. I recall the first time i tried these mints, when i was young, and the taste seemed so much stronger then. I guess that is the same with most things - when we are children they seem harsh to our soft senses, but as we grow more hardy they become milder.
Anyway, what i meant to say was that now i have no work to do, for perhaps a week, and i just don't know what to do with myself. And i hate it when this happens. It is the result of dedicating my mind to my work to the extent that i lose my taste for my other activities, as they are not so high on my priorities list. I haven't touched my graphic novel for near two months now. How am i supposed to get into it and remember it all again?

Guns

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:33:27 GMT

What the hell? Some policewoman got shot in the abdomen and people want police officers to be armed? Ok, what then?
a) Police will come in, shooting at threats and possibly terminating someone's life for stealing..
b) Criminals will become more anxious at being confronted by police and shoot more often - "Kill or be killed"
c) Both

Perhaps others have disassociated the criminal from the human race and think that they are some wild unthinking force that acts without reason and kills when possible. As much as they'd like that to be the case, it's NOT. Someone has to be either pretty crazed, or pretty anxious to shoot someone - otherwise there would be a lot more shooting going on (if people didn't care about responsibilities and whatnot). And what would make someone more anxious than being persued by a gal with a gun?

Plato

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 10:24:08 GMT

There had to be some better way of finishing my Plato essay without having to sit in the 24 hour computer room, scanning in half a library book at 2AM. But now it's done, I suppose i should make good use of it. A part of me longs to sell on my effort, to send copies to everyone doing the Feminsist question in return for maybe 50p or £1. It's these damn house viewings... they eat up such a large part of my day. But then - i rarely do work in the daytime, it's always in the morning early, or the evening late:

I wake up early most days
To milk my mental cow.
She loves the sunrise - and the dark
That is upon us now,

She cannot work in bright light.
The pleasure is too great
To gaily run upon the sun,
While I would lie in wait.

Perceptions

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 23:34:21 GMT

I've found a position which a black man would be unable to fill - the main cast of Othello, excluding the eponymous hero. Would the director be taken to court because he refused to give the position of Cassio to a black actor, in a play that tries to show the evil associated with racism?

Also, bunnies. Running around Alcuin, they might seem cute - but if you put a bunny and a human into forests, chances are the bunny would outlive one of our own species.

Well.. i'm aiming for lots of words tonight on my Plato essay, so that i might relax the following day and look at houses and watch the Libertine.

Most people

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 19:30:49 GMT

Most people, in their old age, might look back upon their young selves with regret, wishing they had been wiser at that time. My case, unfortunately, is that my past self would be livid with anger at the way i have let myself degenerate - how i find it so difficult to read something that at an earlier time might have seemed like a pleasure to me. Still now, i find it fulfilling to understand Kant, but it is so strangely unmotivating to do things that are good for me. I WANT to waste time, as if to get it out of my system?? I want to download and play settlers iv even though it's not of great interest to me. And, intellectually, i want to read! to write! to draw! to play music! - but they just seem so unappealing sometimes. I need someone to latch onto, to give me a posititve inspiration of how to spend energy. These university people set a bad example, most of them.

Disappointments

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 23:19:44 GMT

These last weeks have been full of disappointments. I didn't get to go on the American Exchange, which i was dying to get on - and now the mention of America, California or Los Angeles is gall to me.. but getting less and less powerful the further i move away from this dream. Secondly, my bicycle was stolen just as i came from the kino.. Liberated by some miscreants. It was happy with me, i had treated it well! I always kept it inside (apart from a few days when, tired from the treck to the shops, i left it in the bike racks in view of my window). I wonder what experiences that combination of metal atoms is having now? Perhaps it is in Bike Heaven?

Additionally, i seem to have developed a terrible and limiting condition - that my lungs contract in the cold night of the air and i can hardly walk as far as the Physics building without fearing that i might altogether stop ... And i have to go to town tomorrow to pick up some photographs. The one with the 8-foot horse! Perhaps I can go into every tenth shop to hide from the cold. Finally, it has been arranged that i will not live with Carl this september, which saddened me a lot when i heard it. I had really wanted to share a house with him... I miss the times when we saw each other once a week and the weekend could not come soon enough.

Changing

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 11:48:59 GMT

I'm preparing myself for my change.. for someone already quite socially anxious this might be a strange thing to do but nonetheless, it interests me.
This morning, i have shaved off my fuzzy facial hair and my skin is burning. I also razored off the wispy bits at the side of my ears and combed my hair into a neutral side-parting with a pony tail. Also put on fairly neutral clothing. It feels strange to be able to feel my skin directly instead of through the peachy fuzz, but it feels strange on my face's side rather than my fingers. I guess i'm going to have to get some male-like spectacles next time i go to the opticians'.. how embarassing.. and then i'll have a male and female pair. I wonder if i would actually go through with it.

Nicotine Gum

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 21:42:16 GMT

I bought some stong nicotine gum today. It's not good. It makes me feel anxious and tastes horrible. I'm going to pass it on to Peter, i just hope that he doesn't eat it all up and overdose on nicotine.